So I guess ‘Fire Alarm’ is German for ‘comp everything!’

You ever have those days where you just want to do this to someone?

It’s 9:20am.  By this point, it had been a decent morning.  My formula for determining that is, #1 if people are being nice to me, and #2 if my staff all showed up for their shifts.  So we were two for two.  Until I saw this crawling off the elevator:

Of course it wasn’t actually Joseph Gordon-Levitt who I was dealing with.  But that face…that’s the crap I’m talking about.  Imagine that walking up to you.  And I knew before even uttering these words that I shouldn’t have said it, but it was too late…

Spike: Hello ma’am how are you today?

Ms. Yusahoe: Not great.  Thanks for asking!

Spike: Shit, that’s why I hate asking that question

Ms. Yusahoe: Excuse me?

Spike: Nothing, how may I be of any less service to you?

Ms. Yusahoe: I was rudely interrupted last night to the sound of the fire alarm going off in the hotel. It was obnoxious and totally unnecessary to bother me during my stay for something like that.  I didn’t get any sleep

Spike: Well, Ms. Yusahoe, the alarm went off due to a guest that smoked in their room last night.  They opened their door to get air flowing in the room, but what happened was, the smoke from the room went out into the hallway and set off the building alarm.  I apologize for the inconvenience

Ms. Yusahoe: Oh, thanks for apologizing!  That makes it all better!  The problem is that the fire alarm went off at 2am.  Then I couldn’t get back to sleep and then missed my morning meeting – which was a very important meeting!  But your apology makes it all better, thanks!

Spike:  First off, sarcasm is like a second language to me so, with that said, thank you for not freaking out about this whole situation.  Now that we got that out of the way, what are you trying to get at from me, lady?  A free night?

Ms. Yusahoe:  I demand compensation for the lack of sleep I got last night and I want compensation for a future stay because I missed this meeting and who knows if I even still have a job anymore after today!

Spike: It would seem to me that if you don’t have a job anymore, it’s probably because of the way you conduct yourself as a human being and not so much because you missed this one meeting.  In a weird way, those jackasses that set off the fire alarm might have done your company a favor by you missing the meeting

Ms. Yusahoe: So who do I need to speak with to get compensation because it doesn’t seem like you are the right person

Spike:  Oh, no, I am the right person.  If I wanted to give you compensation, you would have already received it

Ms. Yusahoe: Well can you get me someone who can understand my issue and give me what I ask for?

Spike:  Oh, you wanted to talk to a little bitch puppet!?  We’re fresh out of those here, so the only person you have to talk to is me.  Yeaaaaa, sorrryyyy, not what you wanted to hear, was it?

Ms. Yusahoe:  You are being very unhelpful and unaccommodating and completely unsympathetic to my situation.  If this were to happen to you, I’m sure you’d be pissed off!  How many other people came down to complain this morning?  I can’t be the only one.

Spike:  In fact, not one other person came down to complain. You know why?  Because every other guest understands that the alarm going off was not something that could have been predicted or prevented by any of our staff, nor is it any fault of any hotel employee that a fire alarm went off for a completely random and unavoidable situation.  They also understand that even though a fire alarm went off at 2am, it’s unrealistic to put blame on a front desk agent for hitting their snooze button too many times and missing a meeting they probably should have set more than one alarm for if it was that important.  And above all, they understand that our completely functional fire alarm, as inconvenient as it might have been that early in the morning, would have potentially saved their lives if it were an actual emergency.  What I think happened is that you forgot to set your alarm and missed your meeting so you’re now looking for any excuse to get something out of us because your just pissed off at yourself for being such an airhead.  How’s that?  Am I in the right ballpark?

Ms. Yusahoe: You better know that I’ll be writing a very nasty review of your hotel and this situation

Spike:  The old, ‘I’m gonna write a nasty review’ routine, huh?  Like I haven’t heard that one before.  When you write the review, you can even mention my name if you’d like.  You need me to spell it?  It’s spelled G-E-T—T-H-E—H-E-L-L—O-U-T!

Moral of the story:

I don’t know, does this one need a moral?  I think this situation is pretty straight forward.  If a fire alarm goes off, don’t freak the eff out at the front desk.  They didn’t pull the alarm.  If it wasn’t an actual emergency, more than likely what happened was some dumbass drunk dude wanted to be funny and did it, so be mad at that guy for ruining your day.  And if you do complain to the front desk, before making yourself look like an idiot, go through the situation in your head and think about what you’re really going to say.  Do you really think screaming at the front desk over a fire alarm that could potentially save your life in a real emergency is worth it?  Save your breath.  Because in this day and age, emergencies are becoming more and more real each and every day.  So I don’t know about any of you, but when I hear an alarm of any sort, I’m haulin’ ass out of wherever the hell I am at any time of the day it happens, and thanking the powers that be that gave me that warning.

Well that’s my five cents.  Yes, I said five cents because my opinion is more valuable than most.