Why 11?  Because I said so.  And that’s just how many things I thought of for right now.  Trust me, there are plenty more, but they will be for another day. 

“How hard is your job?”  “Don’t you just check people in and check people out and answer the occasional phone call?”  “How hard is it for you to give me the service I deserve as a paying guest? “

These are common misconceptions that most guests have about hotel employees, whether they’re nice about it or not.  Well, I have some follow up questions for them:

Have you ever worked in a hotel?

Do you know what hotel employees go through on a daily basis?

Do I walk into your place of business and assume all you do is sit at a desk all day and answer phones?

A hotel is like an iceberg.  What you as the guest see is the pretty side that is supposed to look beautiful and pristine, but there is a lot more going on than what it looks like on the surface.  Sometimes when people come to understand the common misconceptions of things they normally take for granted, they come to have a newfound respect for the things that they learned about.  If one person that reads this learns something from this, I’ve done my job.  Maybe next time they stay at a hotel, they’ll think twice before lecturing a hotel employee about what they think they know.

1. You are a guest checking in. You walk up to the desk and the front desk agent is on the phone. You tilt your head to the side and give them a nasty look like, ‘hey, do you see me?  I’m trying to check in, here!’

Just so you know, our first priority are guests that are standing in front of us – not necessarily the people on the phone.  So don’t for one second think we’re purposely trying to be rude to you by answering a phone call while checking you in or asking you to hold on one minute while we finish the phone call we are currently on.  Most hotel companies have a three ring policy where the phone has to be picked up within three rings.  If you were the one calling the hotel, I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if no one picked up the phone for two minutes straight.

Since you’ve never worked in a hotel, I’m sure you’ve never heard of the crazy, stupid questions we get (see my Stupid is as stupid…is blog).  For all you know, the person that the front desk agent is on the phone with when you walk up to the desk has been on hold for 10 minutes already and has just told the desk agent that if they get put on hold one more time, they will file a complaint. The agent waits for the right time to finally take the call when there aren’t any other guests at the desk, in order to help the complaining person on the phone, and then boom.  You walk up.  The front desk agent has a decision to make – piss you off by having you wait, or piss off the person on the phone knowing that the next time they get put on hold, it will probably cost the hotel lost business and a bad review.  Who to choose?  The snarling guest waiting to check in that is staring at the front desk agent like their trying to use telepathy to throw them against a wall?  Or the irritated guest on the phone who is so fed up with being on hold that anything that rhymes with the word hold is going to make her punt her cat.  There is no winning scenario here.  Trust me, the last thing a hotel agent wants to do is have to choose between these two scenarios.  But this situation happens multiple times every day.  Truth is, you don’t know what’s taking place on the other end of that phone call. Sometimes we get calls where guests want to tell us about their life story and there is no good way to shut them up to put them on hold.  Just do us all a favor and stand patiently in line while we finish with the person on the phone.

 

2. After #1, I might as well bring this one up: You are calling a hotel to ask some questions about the hotel and you get placed on hold…a few times.

We don’t like putting you on hold.  We’d much rather just finish up with you and let you on your way. But, in most hotels, the front desk agents are the ones answering the phones.  The front desk is the control center for the hotel.  What that means is that at any given second, we’re either checking guests in or out, getting calls from our in-house guests for more towels, getting calls for maintenance to come up because the heat is not working, a guest stopping down to tell us how bad their meal was at the restaurant last night, a guest telling us that they didn’t have a car and shouldn’t have been charged for valet, a guest found a hair on their bathroom floor and they should be comped, and MANY more.  Even though we have no control over anything that really goes on in the rest of the hotel, we are the ones that deal with it.  So, when you call and you want to know how much valet parking is, and how close we are to the stadium, or if we charge for our shuttle, or if our rooms have refrigerators in them, remember that we are also dealing with guests already inside our hotel that may have a bigger issue than asking me if we charge for our airport shuttle.  And no, I’m not going to tell you I’m putting you on hold because I’m currently in the middle of being berated by a guest for a housekeeping issue I literally had nothing to do with.  I’m just going to ask if I can put you on hold, and I expect you to just deal with it.  If you don’t like it, then don’t be lazy asking me questions you can easily look on our website for.  As a matter of fact, you can probably get answers to your questions faster looking online than it would take calling me.  Your cooperation in this matter is expected and appreciated!

 

3. When we ask for your photo id as well as your credit card and you roll your eyes because you have to dig out your ID.

Oh, I’m sorry, are we bothering you with having you dig through your jam-packed wallet for your photo ID?  Guess what?  I don’t really care!  We’re doing you a favor, sir.  By us asking for your photo ID along with your credit card, we’re making sure that you are who you say you are and that you’re not using a stolen credit card.  As much as you think in the 45 seconds we’ve had the pleasure of talking that you think we know you well enough to not have to ask you for your photo ID, truth is, we don’t, and for that reason, I’ll need that ID.  I’m sure you’d also be the type of person that if someone stole your credit card and used it somewhere, your first question would be, ‘why didn’t the clerk check an ID!?’  For some reason, when it comes to security, people have a big issue with it until something bad actually happens.  The thing is, you know the reason we have to ask for your ID and you still roll your eyes at us.  Trust me, last thing we want to do is drag this whole check in process out any longer than it has to be.  So, next time, just hand me your ID and say thank you for asking!

 

4. When you get mad at a front desk agent when they won’t give you a key to a room you asked for because your name is not on the reservation and you don’t have any photo ID on you.

Here is a true nightmare story for you.  One night, a Mrs. Jones goes to a hotel in order to get away from her abusive husband. She planned on going to the cops the next morning about what has been taking place inside their home. Mr. Jones decides he wants to go hotel to hotel trying to find her – only asking the question: “I need a key for the room under Jones”.  Mr. Jones didn’t even know if his wife was staying at the properties he was at.  He was hoping someone at a front desk would slip up and say yes so he could track her down.  Well, indeed that happened.  A front desk employee at a nearby hotel said that they had a Mrs. Jones staying.  The husband asked for a key.  The employee told Mr. Jones that without his name on the reservation, he cannot get a key.  Mr. Jones got in the agents face and said, “I’m her husband and there has been an emergency and I need to speak with her immediately!” He took out his photo ID and showed the agent and the address matched the one on file for the wife.  The agent frantically gave the husband a key where he proceeded to go up to the room and cause a domestic disturbance inside the hotel.

Why did I tell this horrific story?  Because we don’t know you.  As much as we’d like to trust everything you tell us, we can’t.  Case and point – Mr. Jones.  He even had a photo ID that matched the address on file.  But his name wasn’t on the reservation because the wife, of course, didn’t want him to know where she was. 

And let me be clear – if you are one of those people that think that our entire purpose at the front desk is to make your life miserable by asking you these annoying questions like, ‘do you have a photo id on you?’  Or, ‘hold on just one second while I call the room to get confirmation that it’s ok to give you a room key,’ then I just feel sorry for you.  This is all for your safety and security.  The above scenario was one of the more drastic cases – but they do happen.  In most cases, it’s just someone in your group that locked themselves out of your room and they can’t get key from us because their name isn’t on the reservation.  But you didn’t feel like spending the time at check in to give us all the names of the individuals in your room – either that, or you didn’t want to get charged extra for having more people in the room than you originally booked your reservation for.  (Just a side note – we’re not stupid.  When you call and ask for 8 sets of towels and 4 pillows and blankets, we know there’s not just two people in the room).  I digress.  The point here is that the front desk, in addition to accommodating to your every need while you stay at the hotel, also acts as your personal security guards.  Do not freak out on us for performing the normal protocol that we are supposed to do when situations like this arise.  In this day and age, security is getting more and more important in the world and we’re just trying to protect you.

 

5. When you tell us that the last time you stayed at our hotel, you paid $100 lower than what we’re quoting you right now and you can’t understand why our rates are so much higher.

You are staying in the middle of summer, which happens to also be the night of the Paul McCartney concert when the whole city will be sold out, and you really want to know why our rate is so much higher than the last time you stayed in the dead of winter?

Do you know what supply and demand is? You probably learned about it in school.  Well, it turns out it’s a real thing and hotels use it all the time to set rates. The reason you got a lower rate the last time you were here is because it was the dead of winter, and there was literally nothing going on in town. When you have a city wide event taking place that will more than likely sell all the hotels out in the city, you better believe rates are getting jacked up.  Don’t make yourself sound like a dumb ass.  Before asking the question about why our rates are higher than the last time you stayed, do a little research on what’s going on in the city you’re traveling to.  If you are coming to the Paul McCartney concert, chances are, EVERYONE ELSE IS COMING FOR THAT TOO.  Which means, rates get raised.  We don’t just put rates out there because we feel like it.  There is a science behind it, but since you can’t even comprehend supply and demand, I’m sure not going to start explaining how we set rates.

 

6. When you tell us to match the price of what the crappy hotel down the street is quoting you.

Yes, our hotel is $50 higher than the competitor you want us to match the rate for.  Do you know why?  No, of course not because who does research anymore?  We’re $50 higher because we have free breakfast every day and the other hotel charges for it.  We have free wireless internet.  The other hotel charges for it.  We have free use of our fitness center and pool.  The other hotel doesn’t even have one of those.  And you still want to know why I will not match your rate? By the time you pay for all of the things over there that you would get free with us, you’d actually be saving money.  But, if you want their rate that bad, then stay there!  You will get what you pay for, I’m afraid.  You wouldn’t walk into a BMW dealership and tell them to match the rate that you were quoted from your local Toyota dealership.  Why would it be any different doing that in this scenario?

 

7. When you try to book a room at your corporate rate, are told it’s not available, but book it anyways. Then come to check in, stay for 4 nights, then at checkout, tell us that you were supposed to get your corporate rate.

No.  No you weren’t.  You know this.  We know you seasoned travelers like to get sneaky every now and again, but if you didn’t want to pay what we quoted you, you didn’t have to book it.  No one put a gun to your head.  That would be like me going to an expensive restaurant, ordering oysters for an appetizer, a filet mignon for dinner and tiramisu for dessert, eating all of it, and then telling the waiter, ‘oh, sorry, I didn’t realize the price of the items I had ordered.  I ate everything, but can I still get a discount?’  As I stated above, setting rates is a science.  Every rate that is out there is strategic to the numbers we have to reach in order to make our monthly/yearly budgets, strategic to where we plan on stacking ourselves up in respect to the other hotels in our market, and what our forecasted goals are going forward.  You playing the, ‘I was supposed to get my corporate rate’ card screws all of that up. Not to mention, we know your tricks. You try to go to the new person at the desk and guilt them into changing your rate for you because they may not know better.  Just know the chances of you trying to get your rate switched at checkout after you’ve already stayed is slim to none.  So don’t waste your time telling me that your company won’t approve you paying any higher than a $112 rate, or that you were told to just stop at the desk at checkout and we would change it.  You are lying and you need to just leave before I slap you.  And I am a man.  So when I slap people, I get upset because men shouldn’t slap people.  So I don’t want to slap you. I want to hit you.  With a chair.  But I don’t want to get arrested. So I’ll resort to slapping. Ok I’m done.

 

8. When you yell at the valets because it’s taking a while for your car to come up.

Few things to note with this.  First, check the weather.  If it’s the middle of winter, do you just hop in your car and just drive away when you leave for work in the morning? No?  Well then it must be some sort of dream world you live in where the valets use magic fairy dust that melts the ice and snow away from your windshield faster than you ever could.  It’s winter, bud.  It’s going to take a few extra minutes for us to bring your car up.  Unless you’d rather us drive your car without being able to see out of the windshield and leave you with all the scraping.  Oh and an extra few bucks tip would be nice for the trouble…

Secondly, we go on a first come first serve basis.  If ten people hand me their ticket before you hand me yours, guess what?  Your 11^th in line so better go get a coffee because it’s gonna be a minute.

Thirdly, look at the lobby. If it looks like there’s 50 people aimlessly wandering around the lobby with seemingly nothing to do, then likely they’re all waiting for their car.  If you hand me your ticket and tell me you’re late for a flight so we should get your car next, that’s not gonna fly (pardon the pun.  Actually, don’t pardon it at all; I kinda like it).  You expect that none of the 50 people standing in our lobby saw you walk up to me and whisper for me to put your car ahead of all the rest of them and expect me to just send you on your way without one of those 50 people in the lobby giving me the business?  It’s not my fault you hit the snooze button 15-too many times and are running late so now you need me to move you to the front of the line and enrage a bunch of other paying guests who handed me their tickets at least 10-15 minutes before you did.  Better catch the next flight. 

 

9. When you book a standard room and in your requests you write in that you want an upgrade to the presidential suite. Then when you check in and you weren’t upgraded, you get upset.

If you wanted the presidential suite so bad, then you should have booked it.  If a hotel even has one, more than likely they only have ONE of them.  So guess who’s got the first dibs at it?  THE PERSON THAT BOOKED THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE!  You getting upset at me for not upgrading you to our most expensive room and paying our cheapest rate makes me want to – dare I say – slap you.  And a request is just that – a request (the request topic will have to be for another day).  Obviously you wanted the nicest room in the hotel without having to pay for it.  Listen, there’s nothing wrong with asking.  Sometimes, it may actually work in your favor.  But by the holy wrath of God, do not get bent out of shape at us for not upgrading you when it wasn’t a room type you had reserved. 

 

10. You are the best man at your friend’s wedding. They have a block of rooms at a hotel set aside for the group but you haven’t made your reservation yet.  You call the week prior to the day you are supposed to check in and are told the group rate is no longer available.  And you get upset…

This is one of the top annoyances that any hotel employee has to deal with.  Any group block has, at the very least, up to about three weeks prior to the date the group is set to arrive for their guests to call in and get the rate.  In most situations, the cutoff date for the block is a month out.  For those of you that are not aware, a cutoff date is a date in which the negotiated rate for a block is good until.  Take this example:  if you hold 20 rooms in a block at a negotiated rate of $129 and your block only picks up a total of two rooms, the other 18 would release back to our inventory on the cutoff date – about three to four weeks out – and would then sell for whatever the hotel decides to sell them at as the $129 rate is not available anymore.  If we didn’t have a cutoff date, those 18 rooms would just sit there in a block that aren’t getting picked up and by the people that held them, and other random guests calling for rooms wouldn’t be able to book them.  Therefore, for other random guests, it would seem that we don’t have rooms to sell, when in fact we do – they’re just sitting in a block.  So now, a week out, we only have four rooms left to sell in the entire hotel and they’re going for $219 per night and then Mr. Best Man calls and demands his group rate, you can see why it perturbs us so much.  This dude had months and months to book this room and would have gotten the group rate with no issue, but he procrastinated and decided to wait till a week out when we’re almost sold out and expects us to give him the rate.  Nahhh.  Now you know why…

 

11. When you check in and don’t have a credit card to put down for the room. And then you tell us that no one told you that you needed a credit card to check in.

Saving the best for last.  For those of you that this scenario describes, you should never stay in a hotel.  Ever. It is the year 2016.  If you do not have a credit card when you travel, then why are you traveling? And you KNOW you were not told by anyone that you didn’t need a credit card to check in with.  This is not some crappy motel where you pay by the hour and we hand you a key so you can do whatever you want. The reason I’m taking a credit card is to guarantee that you have enough money to pay me.  In addition, we take an incidental authorization which varies based on the hotel. This is standard procedure and if it goes unused, it will release back to your card within a few business days after you check out.  If it’s a debit card – it could be longer – all depends on your bank.   And I say business days because WEEKENDS DON’T COUNT, PEOPLE!  The reason for the incidental authorization is so you can charge incidental items to your room (phone calls, lounge, restaurant, gift shop, etc).  And the REAL reason we do it is because if you overflow your Jacuzzi tub, pull the phone cord out of the wall, break the bed frame, and smash cake frosting into our carpets, we have extra money to charge you for the damages.  If you are traveling to a hotel, and we swipe your card, do not call us the day after you check out telling us we over drafted your account.  Maybe, just maybe, if you were so close to the edge, you shouldn’t have been traveling?!?  (See my Who needs a credit card these days? Blog).  When you rent a car, they do all this same stuff and no one says anything.  Why is it that when people stay in a hotel, it’s automatically something they’ve never heard of before?  When you tell us that you don’t have a card at check in, a red flag gets raised that you and your crew are up to no good.  So even if you do come up with the money, more than likely you’ll be getting kicked out before midnight anyways.  And when we kick you out, don’t ask us for a refund because you’re not getting one.

 

Oooweee, that took a lot outa me.  Hopefully someone learned something today.  All of this talk made me hungry for a philly steak and cheese.  Don’t ask why.