For some people who work in the hospitality industry, a confrontation with a guest can be enough to derail their day.  I’ve been there – we all have.  But as I continue in my career, I’ve seen and heard so many things that it very rarely gets me to that point anymore.  More times than not, I laugh at these instances now.  Why should someone who doesn’t know me, and makes no difference in my life whatsoever, except for the five minutes we are encountering each other, have any jurisdiction on my mood?  When difficult guests realize they are getting to you, they’ve won, and they will keep on digging.  It KILLS them when you do not stoop to their level and I get a kick out of seeing those particular guests squirm.  That’s Spike therapy 101 level stuff right there.

In today’s tale of human idiocy, we have another liar.  There are some out there that you can consider compulsive liars.  As in they lie so much they actually start to believe their own lies.  And then there are some people that lie because they’re just a bag of douche.  Then there are some people, like this, that just do it to feel good.   You’ll see what I mean a little bit later.

Ms. Lykestolie:  May I please speak to a manager?

Spike:  If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that

Ms. Lykestolie:   I need to speak with you about, uh, something I…um…found in my room.

Spike: K, this must be good if you had to stutter to tell me this! 

Don’t leave me hangin’, what was it!?

Ms. Lykestolie: I went to use the iron in the closet and when I opened it, there was a pink vibrator in it!  I was absolutely disgusted and uncomfortable. I couldn’t believe my eyes and now I question whether the entire room was cleaned.

Spike: A v-v-vibrator, huh?  A pink one at that…in the closet…next to the ironing board.  What a great spot for it!

Ms. Lykestolie:  I just feel like there should be some sort of compensation for this.

Spike: Oh, of course, of course.  Would you like to move rooms?  

Ms. Lykestolie: No I really wouldn’t like to move rooms.  I’m comfortable in my room now and would rather just stay where I’m at.  

Spike:  So you question whether the entire room was cleaned because you found a vibrator in the closet, and you would just rather stay where you are because you’re comfortable there after you basically just said that you were uncomfortable there?  Red flag #1.

Ms. Lykestolie:  I’m heading to work now, so by the time I get back, I’d like to know what you plan on doing about this:

Spike: Aye aye, maam!  I’m on the case!

About an hour goes by and I get a phone call

Ms. Mommyhandlesmyissues: I’d like to speak with you about my daughter and what she found in her room this morning.  I know she spoke with you and I know you’ve done nothing about it and she needs to get refunded her whole stay including tonight!

Spike: Well hello!  If there’s one thing I love, it’s to talk through an issue with a guest and then talk about that same issue with their MOTHER!

Ms. Mommyhandlesmyissues: It’s ridiculous! How did this happen?  Did your housekeepers even clean the room?  How could they miss something like that!?

Spike: It’s actually mine.  I went up there the other day and left it up there.  My bad

Ms. Mommyhandlesmyissues: I’m not hanging up until you tell me how this is going to be handled!

Spike: Good to know.  I’ll hang up for you then.

After I get off the phone with mommy dearest, I get my Executive Housekeeper and go up to the guest’s room to take a look for myself.  I open the closet where Mr. Happy-Time was supposedly found and IT’S…NOT…THERE! Did she lie? Did she TAKE IT!? Either way, interesting turn of events here!

Ms. Lykestolie comes back after a long day of lying, I’m sure, and corners me in my office.

Ms. Lykestolie: So were you able to determine how you were going to compensate me?

Spike: Oh hiiiii!   How was work? —actually, never mind, I don’t care.  Spoke to your mom today. She’s a peach.

  

Spike: Anyways, funny thing happened today.  I know you said that Mr. Happy-Time was bright pink, but by chance, it wasn’t camouflage was it?  Because I took a little jaunt up to your room to find it and didn’t see it anywhere.

Ms. Lykestolie:  Well then you must have missed it.  It’s very clearly up there. 

Spike:  Ohhh trust me, it ain’t there.

  

Ms. Lykestolie:  Are you insinuating I made it up?

Spike: Or…and here me out…maybe you’re feeling…how shall I say…very lonely lately??? 

Ms. Lykestolie:  Well I never!

Spike: I highly doubt that!

Ms. Lykestolie ended up checking out with no compensation given to her.  Mr. Happy-Time is still at large.  May need to get Keith Morrison on this one:

Moral of the story: 

What can I say about this one that I haven’t already said about other crazed, loony trolls that have tried to pull similar stunts.  If you are going to lie and try to get compensation from me, really think your story out.  If you claim to find a vibrator in your room, and tell me the exact location you found it in, then why shouldn’t I find it there when I go up to your room to search for it?  Either you made it up completely, or you really needed that new ‘juggernaut’ model that just came out and it was too expensive for you to buy.  I do, however, appreciate the good laugh I got out of this one.  

Until next time…which in my world, shouldn’t be too long