For the love of sweet, sweet Jesus (because Jesus was sweet, not sure if you knew that), can people just know the basic rules and policies of staying at a hotel? Is that so much to friggin’ ask? Literally the only good thing about the stupidity of people is that it gives me ammo to write about. I guess it’s a good problem to have in the scheme of things.
Our most recent example of the human idiocy that seems to be taking over our planet takes place just recently as a matter of fact. So recently, in fact, that I’m sure if the lady that this blog is about read this, she would know it’s about her, and then know who I am, and then ipso facto, my cover would be blown. But for that to happen, that would mean that this lady reads my blog, and not only that, it would also mean that she can read words in general and based on our conversation, I think I’m good on both counts.
Let’s get started, shall we?
Ms. Ihateyourlife: Ya’ll hotel is doin’ illegal activity!
Spike: Hello ma’am, sounds like your day is going swell. I usually start my conversations with someone I’ve never met before with a hello, but that’s just me. Normally I don’t bother with people who don’t speak to me in actual sentences, but I’m feeling good today, so what types of illegal activities is we’all doin’?
Ms. Ihateyourlife: I just checked out of your hotel yesterday and ya’ll charged me $204 and another charge for $50 and another charge for $100. This is what you do with guests that stay at your hotel, you charge them multiple times after they check out? That’s how come your corporation is so rich because you rip people off?
Spike: That’s quite a story you came up with there. You been watching a lot of tv, huh? Matter of fact, the $204 charge is for your room and tax. The $50 is an authorization we take for incidentals you might use, which, by the way, is cheap when it comes to hotel authorizations. The $100 is nowhere to be found in our system so I’m not sure what that can be.
Ms. Ihateyourlife: Ohh, right, you don’t know what that $100 is. Let me remind you: it’s the fee you charge guests that you pretend you didn’t take, but we all know that you just pocket it. I know how this goes.
Spike: No! Say it ain’t so! You mean to tell me that’s where I get all the money to pay for my very modest 1,500 sq. foot house with 1 bathroom and a 1 car garage, my student loans, car payments, diapers, groceries and all the other fun stuff I spend my stolen money on? And to think some people spend stolen money on lavish vacations, or expensive jewelry and things like that. And here I am spending mine on bills for me and my family to get by on a monthly basis. Wow, I must really be missing out…
Ms. Ihateyourlife: Listen, I know exactly how much money I had in my account before I stayed here. I should have $86 left in my account after my stay. Now because ya’ll stole money from me, my account is overdrafted.
Spike: Can you send me an email of a screenshot of your statement that shows that we took the $100 that is missing?
Ms. Ihateyourlife: No I cannot! How do I know you’re not going to steal anything else from me if I show you that!
Spike: Well then I can’t help you
Ms. Ihateyourlife: Are you gonna refund my money or am I gonna have to sue ya’ll?!
Spike: Just because I’m sure you didn’t think this thought through before you said it, I’ll repeat what you said in English. You basically just said you would be willing to pay a lawyer more money per hour than what you are accusing us of stealing, and expecting a judge to not only take on this case, but get enough evidence against us that we actually did steal your money in order to award you the $100 in damages that you are seeking. Does that sound about right?
Ms. Ihateyourlife: I don’t think I like your attitude!
Spike: I’m not sure that I care. But, what I will do, is send you down to our assistant front office manager who it looks like checked you in. She may have some more information on your situation. Do you mind if I put you on hold for a second to see if she’s in her office before I transfer you to her? You can also use this time to ponder your life?
(by the way, if you are sensing a dumb and dumber theme here and think it’s just a coincidence, it’s not)
Ms. Ihateyourlife: Yea I’ll hold
I call our assistant front office manager and give her a heads up on what’s going on and make sure she’s in the office so that I can transfer her the call. This all takes about 3-4 minutes
Spike: Sorry for the hold ma’am, hope that was enough time to get you life in order. I just spoke with our assistant front office manager who is at her desk waiting for your call, so I’ll send you down there now
Ms. Ihateyourlife: Can I ask why it took so long?
Spike: Why did it take so long? Well the first few seconds the phone rang. I think it rang three times so that’s about 6 or 7 seconds. Then she picked up and I asked her if she had a minute to talk. She said yes but to hold on while she goes into her office to take my call. This took about 32 seconds. Then I spent the rest of the time explaining to her the issue that you are having so you didn’t have to explain your issue to a fourth person since you said I was the third person you had spoken with up to this point. Lastly I wanted to make sure she was in her office so when I transferred your call, you weren’t transferred to a line that no one was going to pick up and you’d have to leave a message. Figured that would be my good deed for the day
Ms. Ihateyourlife: Nah see this is why this whole thing is so fishy. I wanted to explain to the manager the issue myself because now you spent all this time telling her about it and God knows what you said. Ya’ll are scheming ya’ll guests outa their hard earned money so they don’t have money to pay for their rent!
Spike: How are you alive? You are the type of person that give people in our country a bad name. You wonder why we get laughed at by other countries? It’s because of people like you. You are the problem. Take some accountability for your own actions and prioritize your life a bit and maybe not live so close to the edge with your finances and you wouldn’t have over drafted your account for probably spending the missing $100 on booze that you conveniently forgot about. Great investment. Because if there is anything stupid people need more of, it’s booze. And stop blaming good, honest people like me who have to take precious time out of their busy days to deal with scumbags like you, and have to hear how we are the ones that are the liars and cheats of this world. I wonder if you ever got a job, you might be able to take the cynicism out of your life and see how the world really works and make yourself useful to society. I suggest you try it. There really should be a school just for idiots like you. And we shouldn’t worry about offending anyone by calling it the idiot school because anyone that gets offended by it should probably go there. And you don’t get a degree for graduating from this school. You just get a slap in the face and a kick in the nuts (or whatever it is you got) for even having gone there to begin with.
Wow, that escalated quickly. Did all that make sense? Or do I need to write it all down for you and draw colorful pictures for you to understand?
Moral of the story:
For people who think the world is against you in every facet of your life, it’s not. You control your own destiny. If someone pissed you off, you have the CHOICE to decide whether you want that to control your life for the next few minutes, days, or longer. You CONTROL your life. And when you start acting like Ms. Ihateyourlife, the only person you are negatively effecting is YOURSELF! Most people in this industry, especially ones that have a managerial title have gotten yelled at so many times that your words just rolls off our shoulders at this point. The things you say don’t hurt our feelings no matter how hard you try. So all you are doing is making yourself look more and more like an infant that shouldn’t be spending time with the general population.
I wasn’t joking about the idiot school, by the way.
